07 November 2007

What if ...

There's a couple I used to see on the boat all the time, both to and from work. They seemed to be working together too, as well as living together - at least they always went off into the same building in town. He is 50+ and a little chubby, He is 60+ and very thin. They always seem to be very much in love, and I know they've been together for ages. (We live in a small place after all...) The past weeks I've only seen 50+ around. I've been thinking they couldn't possibly have broken up? Or he wouldn't look so sane...

Last night I took the boat home and they were both there. 60+ now looking 80+ and fading... If he was thin before he now looked to be straight out of Belsen - and was obviously in pain, he could hardly sit still, but kept clutching his chest. 50+ looked happy though, happy to be pampering him like he always does, getting coffee, carrying his stuff etc.

It could be he's home from an unfortunate appendectomy, still painful but not dangerous. Though he looked more like he'd been sent home to spend what may well be his last days with his loved one... I have no idea.

But I started thinking. What do people do if they lose their loved one? I wasn't even considering how I'd do - that's too painful even to consider! But it happens all the time, I'm sure, and I'm just wondering how people survive? When you've been with somebody for most of your life, when it's obvious you're in a caring sharing relationship and bladiblah ... then what?

What makes you get up the next morning when there's nobody there?

7 comments:

kimananda said...

I honestly don't know. My step-dad is going through it now, and I get the sense that you just get through it because what choice do you have? I sense also that it's a very very long process.

Tiverius said...

If there are no children,nothing. Just the self-instinct to survive I guess.
Losing someone I love, torture me, more than the fear of my (one day it will come also!) death.

Devil Mood said...

It's either getting up or giving up altogether. I can't even imagine...

Merujo said...

I almost didn't get out of bed for weeks after my mother died. She was, in many ways, one of my dearest friends, and still, 6+ years later, I miss her horribly.

I have never had a significant other, so I don't know what that would feel like. I've lost both parents and a brother, though, and it's painful. The absence hurts. Just this morning I saw something and thought, "Oh, I have to call Ed (my brother) and tell him about that." And then I remembered he was gone. I got angry for a few seconds.

In the end, you have to just keep living. Eventually, some of the pain fades, and you find joy in other places. But you never forget.

Chloe said...

i've no idea. i don't want to think about it. it's childish but i refuse.
still, i've seen so many people do it, i mean, go on after they've lost their significant other.
no, it's too much. don't want to go there!

xx

Jon Erik - the "in-law" said...

the "in-law" says:
For the first time in ages i'm on this page and then you choose to touch me with this story!
As you know i've lost a brother aged 27 and i sat there the last struggeling hours of my father. Do personally think- even if it's hard to accept - that looseing someone is an important part of learning to live! I think that we have to look back and focus on all the good things we had ( and how lucky we were to experience them ) more than to focus on the losses! At the same time i feel sure that we, in the respect of the ones we have lost, HAVE to look forwards and grab the best of the future!
- a tiny hug from Jon Erik

electracat said...

i guess you just have to remember the love you had with that person, and how it's so rare these days to even HAVE that kind of love with someone...One is very lucky if one does. Keep your friends around you, and your children, too (i agree that having children/grandchildren--some connection to your loved one--can help a great deal), and do the things you know your loved one would have wanted you to do.
But still, i have no idea how painful it must be when it happens! Lovely story you recited to us, about that couple. Thanks. :)