Quote of the day (18)

Been listening to Tom Lehrer a lot lately, like (re-)discovering a fountain of youth! Amongst his many nice and accurate quotes is this gem:

Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it!

Conversation of the day (2)

I was towelling a couple of the kids after their bath.


Anna: My friend "I" said, to make babies, mummies and daddies have to put their [insert appropriate childish word here - in Norwegian, a unisex word] together!
Thomas: hihihi
Hubby (leaving, chuckling!): It's all yours!
Me: erh... *

* Now, I've explained to them earlier, about daddy "seeds" and mummy "eggs". Only not gone into the details around the actual bringing them from point A to point B...

Anna: Did you and daddy do that?
Me (sounding dreadfully normal, well, trying to): Why, yes
Thomas (still giggling): Did it take long?
Me: Erh, well, it doesn't have to take long in order to ...
Anna & Thomas: Were you naked???!?
Me: Yes.
A & T: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa (leaving...)

... and cut!

The dollar's sinking

My blog is worth $156,942.12.
How much is your blog worth?

I did one of these about a year ago (? can't find the post again...) - and my blog was worth about $ 2,000. Obviously, the dollar's dropping like a rock!

Quote of the day (17)

I was telling Filip of a friend who's expecting a baby. And the baby's father won't be there with them because he didn't want children... Filip pondered this. Then said:

- Poor kid who doesn't have a daddy. Because daddies do all the work around the house!

Touché...

Tuesday tale on a Valentine Wednesday

What is your favourite quote?
There are so many excellent quotes. I'm a quotomaniac. If that's a word. Well, it should be. My favourite quote is probably still Oscar Wilde's "Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast", though. Go figure...

Your favourite slang word?
Hmm. English or Norwegian? I don't really use a lot of slang, I don't think. Possibly, the kids' (not just my kids. Anyone's kids these days..) adoption of the English "rules", as in "Liverpool rules!". Which they do, of course, only in Norwegian ("Liverpool ruler!") it still sounds a little quaint, methinks...

What is your least favourite slang word?
Well, in keeping with what I just said, this could be the Norwegianisation of "sucks" (as in "ManU suger") which as an expression is already here to stay but which I personally find extremely offensive still. Ok, and funny. At least in this connection...

If you could have a book about your life, who would write it and why?
Good question. Great author urgently needed. There are a few bluddies around with the gift of the, erh, keyb? Anyway, I'd better write it myself, I think. Another writer would go insane from all my post-editing, whereas I do editing as a profession... And seriously, I don't think anyone else could be bothered.

- Oh yes, happy Valentine's day to anyone so inclined*!

*I originally wrote "to anyone so declined", but then I thought you might think that I thought that this was how the saying went, so I thought better of it. Very thoughtful...

"Poem"

What is a blank page?
My favourite pastime
Something that will keep me up all night
Just so I can ruin it

Tray-up bitch

(I stole this from Børge's blog, just couldn't help myself...)

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up bitch."

Quote of the day (16)

"The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop."

PJ O'Rourke

Word of the day

New word, at least to me, and from the kids:

"Automagical"

That's their description of the automatic taps that were in the city hall wardrobe.

Apparently it's not a new word to the world - but I still think it was rather inventive of them!

Why can't I own Canadians?

(It's a bit old this, but it's still fun. Besides, I really would like to own Canadians. At least a few. At least Rufus Wainwright... No - I'm not implying he wrote this, I don't know if he's even read it - I just like it, and he happens to be a Canadian I wouldn't mind owning!)

Example of own-worthy Canadian

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you. With regard to same sex marriage, you said, "In the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman". So, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I now point them to Leviticus 18:22 which clearly states it to be an abomination. But now I need some advice from you regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned inExodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev 15: 19-24. The problem is - how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev. 1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

Rufus may have a boyfriend, but at least he hasn't trimmed the hair around his temples...

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton / polyesterblend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

(I'm probably the last person on earth to discover his music. For this, I apologise profusely. Should you, on the other hand, live in the dark without such wondrous tones as Vibrate or I don't know what it is or Beautiful Child or The art teacher, like I did.... Well, then you know what to do!)

blogging status quo(te of the day # 15)

"It is too early for suicide. Too early in the morning"

Alexander Kielland said that. The author, that is, not the oil platform. (Although that may have been why the platform collapsed?)

But neither I nor my blog(s) have committed anything of the sort, although I'll freely admit to being a neglectablogaroon...
- Will be back shortly, miss y'all!

Quote of the day (14)

"In due time we are looking at expanding school hours till 28 hours. In practice this means a sort of full-day school."

Norwegian Minister of Education and Research, this morning

Fuller than my days, anyway...

Dote to self

Bust dot joid choir to hold Christbas condcert ad thed fall ill. Bust dot fall ill adyway just before Christbas, 'cause there's do tibe for such.

- Oh, the white stuff? I'b dot goig to say what they are but they rhybe with these:

Sigh

Notice of revocation of independence

Supposedly by Basil Fawlty (otherwise known as John Cleese) - but not really, according to this and Moncrief Speaks. Well, it's still fun.. From sometime after dubya had been elected - but still topical! And as my American bloglings appear to all be among the below-mentioned 2.15% I don't think I risk being sued at printing this...

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (the Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Lookup "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become"shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American "football". You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders", which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian, though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you'renot grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

Funny quote of the day

Tommy Cooper said this, entering the stage in way too short & tight breeches (not that he was too big for them...):

- These are plus-threes. They used to be plus-fours, but they shrank!

Well, I laughed, anyway... (And how did you guess I've arrived at "p" in my current glossary?)

Quote of the day (13)

"When the midnight sun is up, where is the other sun?"

Anonymous tourist, Lofoten

(Incidentally, this is not one of my photos. But the quote is still true...)

Quote of the day (11)

A friend came back from abroad with a pair of jeans that fitted her 13-year-old daughter so well, the daughter immediately & joyfully exclaimed (and pardon her language):

"F***ing **ll, mum, have you mugged up my a**e?"

Such a gift of the gab... And I didn't know she'd even been to Ireland!





(Hmm. Well, she didn't quite pronounce all those asterisks...)

Note to self:

Next time Jakob gets the machine for conversation with his little msn-friends (most of whom live next door or thereabouts...), tell him exactly how to turn it off so you won't go two days without internet as a consequence of someone hitting random buttons.

sigh...

Luckily, though, when the net had let me down, snail mail brought this lovely card from Merujo!

Quote of the day (12)

(Not a very recent quote. Jakob was in Vigelandsparken with his kindergarten, he was about 3, and hubby and I were at home with the quads, then babies.)

- Kindergarten assistant: This must be your father, with those four babies!

- Jakob (without hesitation): No, 'cause my dad's willy's bigger than that!

Needless to say, there was much amusement amongst the staff...

Note to passers-by

There's been a lot of snoozing lately. A lot of it.

Now there's marginally less of it.

There has been little coughing.

Now there's fractionally more.

There has been no working.

Now there is some.

There has been vain whispers of joy at the kilos passing.

Now there's a whispered sigh as at least 3 of them has returned. Thanks, Violet, gee, thought I was onto something there, worried I was actually losing weight ;)

There has been no new posts lately.

Now there is one...

- And thanks for all the well-wishes! It seems to have worked. Keep it coming, and I might post again. This week. Promise.