It took me 38 1/2 year, but I think I've figured it out now. I think I know what is me. These are all me, at various ages. (Note how the only grumpy face is me in a dress - and a headscarf! What were they thinking... And the only made-up face is from our wedding.) I've always loved being with kids, and having my own (here with Jakob) is no exception.
I've always felt alright about me, about life, about what's happening. I tend not to dwell on what's not so good - in fact I actually forget the worst bits, and then I'm truly surprised when others drag old stuff back out again.
There are always things - about myself mostly - that I wouldn't mind seeing changed. I could've been smaller, I could have been calmer around my kids (or they could start listening, it's an option...), I could've spent less time in fron of this screen... But basically, I'm content. In fact, blogging / fooling around online keeps me content. And real life makes it all add up to happy.
It's been like that for a while already. But only recently I've made some sort of self-knowledge. At 38 1/2 it's like I woke up, stopped up, to think - hey, this is me!
I've always felt alright about me, about life, about what's happening. I tend not to dwell on what's not so good - in fact I actually forget the worst bits, and then I'm truly surprised when others drag old stuff back out again. There are always things - about myself mostly - that I wouldn't mind seeing changed. I could've been smaller, I could have been calmer around my kids (or they could start listening, it's an option...), I could've spent less time in fron of this screen... But basically, I'm content. In fact, blogging / fooling around online keeps me content. And real life makes it all add up to happy.
It's been like that for a while already. But only recently I've made some sort of self-knowledge. At 38 1/2 it's like I woke up, stopped up, to think - hey, this is me!
This is me. I have done a lot of waiting. I've waited to grow up. I've waited to become slim (pah!). I've waited to somehow fit into 'adult woman' kind of clothes. Or conversation. But I'll stop all that. This is who I am and I really don't want to be anybody else. (Ok, I guess I'd stay myself even if I lost a pound or two. But I'm digressing. As usual...) I'll never enjoy dressing up, or cocktail parties, or exquisite food*. I'll enjoy snooker, blogging, pizza, rock concerts. And I will have an LFC tattoo after sun & bathing season...
*Seriously, I think gourmet food - 1 shrimp finely adorned in seaweed on a plate / 2 squid legs tied in a bow and spattered with liquer / 1 strip of red meat on a bed of fungus ... You get the idea - is all some lame excuse to distinguish between classy and not so classy people. I'm right there with the not so classy. And I thrive there...
4 comments:
Well good for you! That's inspirational, actually!
This post goes well with the banner you put up "embrace diversity" - it's no fun if we're trying all of our lives to be just like anybody else - why? We could never be happy that way.
I'm glad you're feeling good!
And this is why we love you. :) That was a lovely post - I would love to be as comfortable and happy in my life right now. It's so cool to see that you are!
can I be you when I grow up? Well, without the whole dress and headscarf thing maybe...
I just want to feel the way you do - comfortable in my own skin. Maybe I'm in the wrong skin???
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