25 April 2006

The wonderful art of self preservation

I know this woman. We're acquaintances, I guess, but we get on really well whenever we meet. Especially since she and I share the same idea that our hubbies are our soul mates, and that married life with our respective spouses is pure bliss. They have three children, the youngest as old as our Jakob. Her hubby also had a child before they were married, who lives with them.

Now her husband is dying of cancer. There is no hope. They've stopped treatment. He half sits, half lies in a chair, he barely has the strength to call his children's names. He used to be a wonderful, fun family man, and he loved the great outdoors.

So, what do I do? I give her a hug, when I see her. I don't ask about his health, or hers - even though she's said she doesn't mind talking about it, it's somehow therapeutic.

But I can't bear thinking about it. When I really get into it, when I start imagining that in a few months, maybe only weeks, she's a widow, the kids fatherless - my mind shuts off. I start concentrating on a hair in my eye or the noisy traffic.

It's only too sad. For me! And she lives with it!!

Even as I'm writing now, I can't delve deeper into this, I just concentrate on being grateful and happy that it's not me. It's incredibly egotistical and callous, perhaps, but it seems to happen automatically. Body & mind shield sets in...
On a more lightweight note - these are other things that have made me happy recently:
- Liverpool are through to the FA Cup final!
- "Chelski" got thoroughly beaten and chucked out of the FA Cup.
- These events happened in the same match!
- Ronnie O'Sullivan is through to the quarter finals of the World Championship.
- My new job is only 36 days away. I keep getting mails from my manager-to-be, questions sent in by people in search of a word that is not in the dictionary. Yet. I love the detective work trying to find the proper translation - asking everybody I know in a similar trade - and to think I'll actually be paid to do this! I can't wait...

9 comments:

Claire said...

That is sad news indeed. It's a reminder of what's at stake for yourself to lose, so it makes sense the self preservation would kick in.

and now I'll indulge in some as well and move to the lighter news. Your new job does sound very cool and fun. I'm excited for you.

Sam said...

It's awful, but sometimes you have to be callous and close your mind off from these things or you'd split in half like a melon.

On the flip side, your job does sound really fun.

"D" said...

A very good friend of ours lost her husband to cancer a year and a half ago. Their little girls are 5 and 3. We just try to encourage her to do what she thinks is right for herself and the kids and to not really worry about other peoples "advice" (like, dating again, taking off her ring, etc) We call once a week or so (live in different states) and try not to be afraid to ask how she is or to talk about current and happy things.

Muggle said...

Speaking of Ronnie , did you see his 2nd round match , the other guy (can't remember his name) kept trying deep screw shots and only managed to chip the cue ball in the air. The look on his face when he did that on the verge of winning a frame was priceless. Luv Ronnie's 'The man in black' look. Very cool.

Riannan said...

She'll need a lot of support. You don't need to ask her, if she wants to talk to you about him, she will. So sad.

About your new job--It'll be nice to have an authority on definitions just a computer away.

Devil Mood said...

That's incredibly sad. Sometimes it's hard to believe how people cope with things but we all do somehow...
How come you're a Liverpool fan and not...let's say...Rosenborg's? ;) I'm curious :)

Scholiast said...

Self preservation on full blast - so I'll comment on the sports...

Graham: I love Ronnie. Really. And his looks (not so much without the hair..). But most of all I love his playing - even though he hasn't been at his best this season, he's still the most talented ever!

Devil Mood: I'm not sure myself.. But we've always watched English football in Norway, every Saturday since before I was born... (Sadly, it's not on anymore unless you've got a satellite dish.) And I just loved Liverpool! Since Kevin Keegan, I guess ;) Even though my dad's an Arsenal fan and my first crush (aged 9?) supported Leeds..
When I met my hubby and he turned out an ardent fan as well, it didn't make him any less interesting!

- Yes, we watch Norwegian teams as well, but I for one will even side with England when they play Norway. Such a bad nationalist..

Devil Mood said...

Oh, that's interesting :)
I watch english football (cable, of course) on Saturday afternoons too. From what I heard, Norwegians are a lot more passionate about other sports other than football. We all got our preferences, of course!

Lindsey Mackenzie said...

A sad, but beautiful story. Better to love and lost.