19 August 2006

Little known facts about Norway

And I use the term "facts" loosely.
Riannan showed me the way here, and you'll have to go see for yourself. Uncyclopedia is made totally out of nonsense. It's hilarious! Make sure you don't mix it up with Wikipedia...

It did however contain a very good and uptodate post on Norway, that I would like to share with you. (I removed their links, though, so the links beneath are mine, neat and proper, in case you wanted to actually learn something...)

The People's Republic of Norway
(pronounced nowhere by Asians), one of the last Soviet states, joining the one-man club of Belarus. The fabled Slartibartfast created it around tea-time; as legend has it, he was inspired by a particularly complicated wrinkle in his tablecloth.

A member of the United Federation of Planets since its independence from Stockholm in 1953, the colony has a reputation amongst outsiders for censorship and a strong, almost fetishistic love of socks, particularly white ones. The colony has, in recent years, been at war with whales and, more infrequently, Good Christian Decency. A little known fact about these so-called Norwegians is that they reproduce asexually.

Tourist Information
There are 2 supermarkets in Norway, on account of the trees growing too thickly for anyone to be able to get their shopping trolleys to the checkout register. If you somehow manage to find one despite the odds, you should be advised that the names of the foodstuffs may be confusing. This is because bork is the Swedish spelling; Norwegians will be mortally offended at its mere whispered mention. The closest Norwegian equivalent is "bjørk" - please note that for a full and balanced diet, you need both bjørk and other bjørk, or the ever-popular daily multibjørk.

If you decide to wisit Norway be sure to bring lots of money, if you're income is less than 1.000.000$ don't bother, go somewhere else. Every year Germans invade Norway in their mobile homes, Germans are the only people that can afford to go to Norway. This is only because they bring their own place to live and their own food and therefore don't spend any money in Norway. Food in Norway is expensive, a Big-Mac menu costs 11$ and it's not even supersized. A car costs the same as the national budget of a small African country, so most Norwegians drive old underpowered cars. The roads of Norway holds a standard equal to the dirt roads in the Amazon jungle. Combined with the old shitty cars driving i Norway is a nightmare.

Gays in Norway
Norway is ruled by the gay dynasty. This is a dynasty which passes from one gay person to another every month. The gays have set for a modest reformation, which includes the rule that if you have a boring gay club in your area, you will get punished if you try to start a new one. The annual gay-tax for new clubs in 2005 is 95%. These taxes are then used to fund the old gay clubs and stop the new generation from starting clubs which favour fun before money. The gay dynasty also favours the old-church christians, just so they have someone to fight with. This is the only political group which is
allowed besides GDP (Gay Dynasty Party).

Major Cities
Hellesylt - Fluffy little town in the end of a fjord, actually the last remaining feral fjord in the world and the only fjord in Norway that has not been tamed. In the summer Hellesylt is a tourist magnet, in the winter, it's white.
Geiranger - Another fluffy little town, near Hellesylt. Often seen as a forest with a with many treehouses from a cruiseship. Its fluffiness may in fact be slightly more fluffy than Hellesylt's. But they're both pretty fluffy.

Sverige is one of the biggest cities in Norway. This is where the norwegians send all the retarded people. This city is known in other countries as Sweden.

This very last bit at least is true. Everyone knows that Sweden is full of . . . Which neatly links directly to my next, Scandinavian post... Coming up!


Riannan said...

Makes me long to move there.

Rarity said...

That's positively hillarious... Reminds me of Bill Bryson's chapter on Norway in his very funny "Neither Here Nor There". Example: "In Norway three people and a bottle of beer is a party"

I'll find some more quotes when I get home - now I must work...

Kamilla said...

I don't understand why it's called uncyclopedia, when it's all true...