Do I disappoint me?

I still feel alright about me. But I also feel trapped in a song from Chess...

I finally got the tattoo I've been wanting* - yay! And Liverpool celebrates it too by marching on in Champions League... (Yes, DevilMood, so did your beloved Porto!)
I've lost 13 out of the 14 kilos I said I wanted to lose - yay! And I plan to continue...

I'm also still with the man of my dreams (who not only tolerates my crush on Rufus, but finds it rather amusing so helps me keeping it up...) and we've got the lovely bunch of kids we wanted.

I'm still at that job I always wanted - yay!

And we've even booked our summer holidays in Crete next summer, where this will be our view for 3 weeks (except that I'll be under the sea most of the time...):

So why are these the lines now almost continually running through my head, like a muttering;

Now I'm where I wanna be
and who I wanna be
and doing what I always said I would and
yet I feel I haven't won at all!

Could it be I somehow feel I had the makings for even more? What could possibly be more?

I still haven't figured this one out, may take some time...

* go to no. 36 ...

and again!

Rufus in Oslo, April 3rd Afterwards, we waited for Rufus to come out (no pun intended!)
First there were the bandmembers - here Cameron,
Si with Louis, Me with Gerry Leonard (used to play with Bowie!) -

and then...This time! Just a handful of people waiting, and Rufus took his time with us... And wondered if we'd followed him from Berlin!
Rufus and Simon (yes, Si, you do look like the happy couple!)

--- and the concert was fabulous too, yes, thank you very much for asking ...!

What if ...

There's a couple I used to see on the boat all the time, both to and from work. They seemed to be working together too, as well as living together - at least they always went off into the same building in town. He is 50+ and a little chubby, He is 60+ and very thin. They always seem to be very much in love, and I know they've been together for ages. (We live in a small place after all...) The past weeks I've only seen 50+ around. I've been thinking they couldn't possibly have broken up? Or he wouldn't look so sane...

Last night I took the boat home and they were both there. 60+ now looking 80+ and fading... If he was thin before he now looked to be straight out of Belsen - and was obviously in pain, he could hardly sit still, but kept clutching his chest. 50+ looked happy though, happy to be pampering him like he always does, getting coffee, carrying his stuff etc.

It could be he's home from an unfortunate appendectomy, still painful but not dangerous. Though he looked more like he'd been sent home to spend what may well be his last days with his loved one... I have no idea.

But I started thinking. What do people do if they lose their loved one? I wasn't even considering how I'd do - that's too painful even to consider! But it happens all the time, I'm sure, and I'm just wondering how people survive? When you've been with somebody for most of your life, when it's obvious you're in a caring sharing relationship and bladiblah ... then what?

What makes you get up the next morning when there's nobody there?

Writing meme

I'm supposed to mention the qualities of a good writer or good writing, Devil Mood said when she tagged me. (I have avoided reading how she answered the meme, so as not to ruin all my chances of writing something original. Here goes...)

Firstly, I don't know how to separate the two! To me, good writing is what makes a writer great, so I guess it all comes down to the writing. I'll be real subjective here! And short. So I'll stick to books rather than poetry, or plays, even though I enjoy that too. Rufus' lyrics included...

The stories I enjoy reading ... are usually very wordy. And more often than not, quite non-sensical. When we 'had to' do the neoclassical period during my English studies, I was thrilled. Jonathan Swift, Daniel Defoe, Henry Fielding - and not to forget, Addison & Steele's Spectator Essays (sic!) - were all such fun to read! Shakespeare, just the same - Chaucer I adored. Naturalism moved me not one bit, however sad the stories...

Yes, yes, I've read more modern stuff too... I've even read a few classics in my time, I'm sure. But if a writer knows his way with words, he can have his way with me! (It's a metaphor!! No reason to alarm hubby.) I'm the kind of gal who stays up late to fill my fun quota some way or other; busy day at work, quarrelling kids and lots of chores? Well, when everybody (and I do mean everybody else has gone to sleep I stay up, watch fun youtube videos, chat with friends & bluddies, play online scrabble... Until I'm full up.

Few of my current favourite authors are "up there" with the Nobel prize winners (come to think of it, I do read Shakespeare - he would have had one, surely, had he not died before Nobel was born), I love people like Terry Pratchett, P.G. Wodehouse and Douglas Adams. And Lars Saabye Christensen, a Norwegian - but worth reading still. - There are only about 70,000 words in Norwegian, compared with 400,000 in English -- but he seems to know his way around them all!

I've described before I had once had a proper goosebump moment reading a book. I didn't even think the book was all that good after finishing - but that particular chapter had me enthralled. Recently, I had another of those moments, two, in fact. Reading ... Steven Gerrard's autobiography! I know, much as I love his football skills I had never thought he'd stir up such emotion through his writing... I love the guy, loved the book, the language (ok, maybe he had a little help writing? still...) -- but my chills came when he described, in much detail, a couple of games that changed completely when they least expected it. So was it really the writing that did it? Hard to tell...

So, to me good writing is stuff that makes me

a) chuckle

b) laugh out loudc) run for a dictionary (or a number of them)

d) get the chills

e) all of the above

For more objective views on writing, try our book blog - The bluddy list of great novels. (You can even contribute.) Or go read something yourself!

... and then she spake ne'ermore!

What's on my mind...

Bits and pieces

Now in their 2nd year the kids are supposed to get "individualised" homework. Mathias' reading homework goes something like this:

[drawing of pig] How old can a pig be? A pig can be .. years. (no, it does state the number of years, I just can't remember..) Next page. [drawing of goose] How old can a goose be? A goose can be .. years. Next page. And so on and so forth.

Then, homework done, he continues to read The Hobbit...
*sigh*

Two days ago (16th) my blog was 2 years old! Poor thing, and already neglected...

And two days from now I'll be off to Edinburgh, which hopefully will lead to new updates - at least a few photo posts...

1968

Devil Mood did a great meme, and I feel so uninspired these days I'm letting her inspire me... The task is simple - type your year of birth and click google images, and voilà! A story to tell. Being born 1968 the difficult part is what not to post. I failed miserably on the leaving out bit...

The Norwegian king-to-be is finally allowed to wed his non-royal fiancée of 9 years. The bridal bouquet... The assassination of Martin Luther King jr.
"Pepsi-cola - the taste that turns you on!" Yeah, right...
And how gay is this? H & M advertisement


The assassination of Robert F. Kennedy

Local council somewhere in Norway. Just look at them...

The riots in Paris!
1968 Cadillac ...
Yeah, it was still the 60's... Jimi Hendrix ruled!

The Beatles released The White Album
The fun people had...
Elvis at his most attractive... This was the year for his "sitdown", dubbed the world's first Unplugged...
.. and not forgetting the Black Power sign by Olympic gold and bronze medalists Smith and Carlos

Vanished? Not without stain remover

devil mood tagged people like me to the following:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

To make a film with a plot like this work, I'll need Orlando Bloom to star as me! But here goes...

Opening Credits: My Vision (Seal)
Waking Up: Beibi (de Lillos) – very sweet song about love-making...
First Day At School: Elskling (de Lillos) – what could have been
Falling In Love: Fragile (Sting) – well, I've been in love with Sting for a long time!
Fight Song: [track 07] (The The) – probably unknown title because I wouldn't fight
Breaking Up: Sne og is (de Lillos) – breaking up with Norwegians it would have to be
Prom: Mysteriet deg (Bjørn Eidsvåg) – extremely romantic...
Life's Okay: Misunderstood (Robbie Williams)
Mental Breakdown: The ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove (Dead can dance)
Driving: Vienna (the Fray) – ok, I'll get directions from viamichelin right away!
Flashback: This hard land (Bruce Springsteen)
Getting Back Together: Better Man (Robbie Williams) – they always say that...
Wedding: Papa Stone (Jørn Hoel) – was he?
Birth of Child: sanvean (Dead can dance) - way to name your firstborn!
Final Battle: [track 07] (Massive Attack) – as I said!
Death Scene: Mamma (Beckstrøm) – most likely word to shout out, yes...
Funeral Song: I cried for you (Billie Holiday)
End Credits: Where is my mind? (Pixies)

I can't believe no Rufus-songs came out! [pun intended]

*********

And apart from this?

Trips planned: Edinburgh in September (with my colleagues), de Lillos concert in September (with my hubby), Berlin in October with my hubby! -- and see Rufus Wainwright live while we're there! And then Rufus is coming to Oslo in December... Have I got tickets? Duh... (While we're away, the kids will be here, there and everywhere. Hopefully, we'll find them when we get back home...)

Status: one-armed. Well, tendonititical [it's not a word, but it's tangible..], at least. You won't believe the time this epistle has taken me to type.

Status II: 6 kilos lighter than 5 weeks ago. Yay! And not even hungry :)

Status III (continual): Happy! Just extremely unproductive blogwise...

Countdown (how time pressure works)

Two weeks without hubby & kids - they'll spend 3 weeks at the cabin, I'll be with them the middle week, work the rest of the time. (We have to split up like this for the kids to have a full 7 week holidays.) Last year, in my "grass widow" period, my only task was to vacuum the house. I never got round to it...

This year, my tasks were: clean the house (vacuum and wash), water the plants, change the beds. Oooh... As I had two weeks, I had every thought not to repeat last year's bloomer.

Countdown starts... [- and does not include working hours - when I was actually working, or the hours every night spent sleeping.]

Three-two weeks till the others come home:
Plenty of time to do all my chores!
Action taken: washed & hung the linen. Well, it's a start?!

4 days t.t.o.c.h:
Plenty of time to do all my chores!
Action taken: eat out with a friend and stroll around town with her till nightfall

3 days t.t.o.c.h:
Plenty of time to do everything this afternoon! It will be good to get it over with.
Action taken: washed some clothes. Needed to be done! Duh. Besides, the third book of this enthralling Norwegian trilogy came out that day, so I bought it and read it.

2 days t.t.o.c.h:
Plenty of time to do my chores still...
Action taken: worked late. Went shopping for a birthday present for Rarity. When I got home I vacuumed 1st floor! And then Champions league was on. Had to watch Norwegian RBK thrash Astana (Kazakhstan), didn't I? They won 7-1, it was worth it...

1 day t.t.o.c.h:
Plenty of time to do my chores when I get home.
Action taken: went to see a friend and her gorgeous baby. Left early, because of all I knew I had to do. Then ... I never knew there were so many photos of Rufus I had never seen before. And look at all the books I can add to my facebook bookshelf!

uh-oh. 1 hour of spare time to go (counting 11-12 pm, not counting night or next working day)...

1 hour o.s.t.t.g:
Plenty of time to ...
Action taken: searched the net for Berlin hotels around Alexanderplatz, talked to my friend on the phone and messaged my dear hubby a few times (such multi-capacity!).

0 hours o.s.t.t.g:
No time!
Action taken: see above

- 1 hour o.s.t.t.g:
No time!
Action taken: vacuumed the ground floor! Changed the beds! Hit my bed at 01.55 AM.

8 hours t.t.o.c.h - including 8 hours of work:
Plenty of time to work!
Action taken: work.

6 hours t.t.o.c.h - i.6 h.o.w:
Plenty of time to take an early lunch break!
Action taken: washed both bathrooms. Went shopping for essentials (shop 1 minute away). Really wasn't that hungry anyway.

2 hours t.t.o.c.h - i.2 h.o.w:
Plenty of time to enjoy the sms saying my clan are a little delayed and will be home about an hour later than they thought...
Action taken: well, did you ever. There's snooker on television! Easily combined with work, after I had that quick shower...

And so fare I!

Oh, the plants? Let's just hope they will have plenty of water in the next world, into which they have now wandered...

No reason to sleep, really

I made this snippet at 1 AM one night, filming the surroundings of our rented flat. No photoshopping, that's the actual light. Of course, you can't see the sun itself in my hometown, the mountains surrounding it's too high - but go on top of them, or out to sea, and you will...

If you'd like to visit the same place in daytime, try this one.

Yes, I know, I was mumbling. Trying not to sound too mad out there ;)

Back!

... and the only things worth mentioning we forgot to bring north were - my address book (all cards written, but will be sent ... after tomorrow) and all the kids' tooth brushes...

Luckily one of my childhood friends is now a food store manager (or whatever it's called) and Saturday night = closed shop did, of course, not stop her from rushing to our rescue :)

All photos not yet uploaded, but a quick preview! Coming in the harbour of my hometown.

Going up north

In 24 hours, exactly, we'll be sailing in this harbour. According to the weather forecast, it will stay like this for a while still - hopefully they're right!
Looking the other direction, also at 9 PM, you can see the sun is still high. And it won't set until July 22nd - sunny weather or not...

Haven't been 'home' for three years! Can't wait to be back and breathe properly again...

Rebel prince

Rufus - what a beautiful child... When you look good in lederhosen there is no limit! (The keenest observers may notice that the shoes he wore with the striped suit are exactly like mine! It must be fate...)

He came in, the band already playing - and released the star for us... I was so close I could count his cavities (didn't see any!), and his sweat - I know, it may not sound delightful, but... The room was sweltering and, well, we were all pretty warm. Or hot, as the guy next to me shouted to Rufus that he was. 'Well, thank you', Rufus said, shyly...

No words can describe a Rufus concert. You must all go out and experience it!

RIP, beloved iPod

Sunday, while my friend M and I were jubilantly receiving the body of Rufus in Gothenburg, someone broke into our car and stole - my iPod. And M's money, credit cards, keys (to everywhere, basically), driver's licence etc. etc.

I miss my iPod. And the 4,000 songs in it. And the cover Filip had once made for it... I'll get some insurance money back, but not this iPod, of course. M will have her things restored - eventually. But the hassle... And the annoying bit of walking through all of Gothenburg at night only to find the main police station was closed. *Sigh*

Through it all, we were never completely discouraged. I even held my spirits (and eyes!) up while driving home, shipping M off with the 05:30 boat from here and returning home as hubby was getting ready for work... After all, Monday was my first day of holidays.

And Rufus ... was absolutely fabulous!

Powers of modern life

My mum is in Aegina with her husband these days. (In the sweltering heat. They survive, they stay in the water, I've been told...) And she sends me photos from her cell phone. Instead of just cards (because we still get cards!) we get to see how they are - just this moment. It's pretty amazing, really.
Sunset seems unbelievable, every day...
... and tonight there's a wedding celebration at their hotel, in case you wondered :)

New photographer in town

Jakob got a mobile phone the other week. Long overdue, if you ask him! And in fact, I think he was the last in his class to get one. Sigh. He's still only 9 1/2... But here's what he can do with it - in addition to texting his friend and downloading songs, which took him all of 2 minutes to learn - taking photographs! For fear of being slightly biased, I think this one's rather good...

Says it all, really

We stress that our quads are individuals. And they're very different - by appearances and personalities! But somehow, they're glued together differently than other siblings... Last week Mathias and Thomas were going away to some birthday party, and Filip - unusually reflective - stated:

But I belong with them! And they are part of me!

... Before he went back to playing his brand new Nintendo DS Lite and relishing in a little alone time...

This is my life (yeah, I Robbed that)

It took me 38 1/2 year, but I think I've figured it out now. I think I know what is me. These are all me, at various ages. (Note how the only grumpy face is me in a dress - and a headscarf! What were they thinking... And the only made-up face is from our wedding.) I've always loved being with kids, and having my own (here with Jakob) is no exception.I've always felt alright about me, about life, about what's happening. I tend not to dwell on what's not so good - in fact I actually forget the worst bits, and then I'm truly surprised when others drag old stuff back out again.

There are always things - about myself mostly - that I wouldn't mind seeing changed. I could've been smaller, I could have been calmer around my kids (or they could start listening, it's an option...), I could've spent less time in fron of this screen... But basically, I'm content. In fact, blogging / fooling around online keeps me content. And real life makes it all add up to happy.

It's been like that for a while already. But only recently I've made some sort of self-knowledge. At 38 1/2 it's like I woke up, stopped up, to think - hey, this is me!

This is me. I have done a lot of waiting. I've waited to grow up. I've waited to become slim (pah!). I've waited to somehow fit into 'adult woman' kind of clothes. Or conversation. But I'll stop all that. This is who I am and I really don't want to be anybody else. (Ok, I guess I'd stay myself even if I lost a pound or two. But I'm digressing. As usual...) I'll never enjoy dressing up, or cocktail parties, or exquisite food*. I'll enjoy snooker, blogging, pizza, rock concerts. And I will have an LFC tattoo after sun & bathing season...

*Seriously, I think gourmet food - 1 shrimp finely adorned in seaweed on a plate / 2 squid legs tied in a bow and spattered with liquer / 1 strip of red meat on a bed of fungus ... You get the idea - is all some lame excuse to distinguish between classy and not so classy people. I'm right there with the not so classy. And I thrive there...