06 September 2006


I feel a totally unfit mother. Again. And I'm not just talking about physically, where at least there's potential for betterment.

This morning Jakob was furious. Again. And I do mean furious. It feels like he has been raging for the past 4 years or so. He always regrets and says he's sorry. And then continues his rage 5 minutes later. He's mad at everyone in the family in turn, but mostly me. So there's obviously a connection here.

When other people are sad, frustrated, slightly annoyed, bored, scared or indeed furious - Jakob is just furiuos. There's only on and off. He drew this in school, the task was "emotions". You can tell he really knows about rage...

Don't get me wrong. He's the sweetest boy there is, loving and gentle and so concerned about other people's - mine including - well-being, and I love him to bits! But when something's slightly not right with the world, off he goes. I don't even get mad myself anymore when he does this (wonder where he got it from...), I just get sad. It's obvious I'm a complete failure as a mum, otherwise he wouldn't do this.

And now at least one of his little brothers seems to be turning into him. Had it but been all his excellent sides - and not this! I'm at my wits' end here, I'll be posting a "Vacancy: mom" next (- not here, IRL).


Violet said...

But I'm sure they'll grow up fine, able to hold in their anger etc. Like you.

Rarity said...

You know you're a great mother - that's an excellent drawing btw!

Moncrief Speaks said...

What does "rasende" mean? Rage?

And I'm sure you're a great mom.